I just needed to vent.

My silent tears sting the back of my throat. They cloud my vision, blurring reality, but not one makes the quiet journey to my cheek. Red-eyed, I stare at the mirror, not seeing it, contemplating what I've done, said, who I've hurt. In four hours, I have screwed up in so many ways, but I've learned so much. I have felt, really felt, close to someone; I have said things that I've been wanting to say for a long time. I have laughed through the pain, sorrow, and disappointing teen antics, and I have come out mostly in tact. And now the one person that I've hurt the most tonight is downstairs, making me a pizza that I don't deserve.

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I'm thirteen years old and I don't understand anything. I don't know how to love, how to deal with things, or how to explain something without making someone feel stupid, or angry, or hurt, even if that person is me. People underestimate a young person's emotions so much and so often. Today, I said I was a child, jokingly, to get into a movie. I didn't realize how true it was, until now. And I know that things could be worse, that I could have gotten in a lot more trouble, but right now, in this moment, there is nothing worse than knowing that your father is so disappointed, or hurt, that he can't even punish me. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he isn't disappointed, or hurt. But I am. With myself.

I knew I should have told him so much more, every detail, asking his permission, telling him where I was going, what was happening. It's not like I did anything bad, or wrong, or illegal- but I might as well have. I lost my parent's trust, and he just said, this is how we learn. He didn't lecture me, or punish me, or explain to me what I did. He didn't take away any privileges, or possessions, or plans. Maybe he saw the grief in my eyes, or heard the tears in my throat, or knew that I had learned my lesson. And right now I love him more than anyone in the world. And my sister is mad at him, when it should be vice versa.

And the second person I love the most right now- is Mark. He understood when I told him about my vacation woes, he took responsibility for this whole fiasco, he listened when I explained my sister's comlpexity, and agreed with everything I said, and actually made me feel, if possible, better. I felt like I had someone I could rely on, someone I could tell anything to, someone I could laugh with, or cry with, or scream with, and would take it all in and still love me for who I am. Sure, he has a million faults, but he has a million and one ways to make me smile. And guess how many of those are faults?


------------------------

Did any of that make sense?

I've been playing The Script's CD on an endless loop for an hour and a half. I love them so much.
My Fourth of July was kind of lame, except Cailin and I baked a cake (: It was red velvet with blue icing and Independence Day sprinkles! Delicious. We didn't really celebrate until July 5th when we went to our friend's pool and grilled out at her house. It was so fun.
We tie-dyed shirts with that same friend on Wednesday in my driveway. My shirt is orange with blue and fuscia sunbursts on it, and I also painted headphones and an iPod on a plain red tee. We had pizza with them and today we're going to paint pottery. I don't know how I feel about that. I guess I'm excited, but I don't know. I have no idea what pottery I'm going to do. Probably a little bowl or plate to put all my rings in.

So, I found my notebook from Power of the Pen. I had a lot of random things to say about the experience. I really liked a couple bits:

Power of the Pen has taught me to open up to the world, and to let out some of my emotions in a creative way.

In an odd way, Power of the Pen brought me closer to my mom. We were never really that close to begin with. I think it proved that I was capable of opening up, and it gave me confidence in myself. And seeing my mom so proud of me really made an impact.

That last part was a bunch in the stomach for me. I don't really tell my mom much, and I spend a lot of the time arguing with her. Last night, I was really mean to her, and she tried to be especially nice for the rest of the night. It was over something really stupid, too.

I must go, our friend is here.

Hope the rest of your summer is great,

i'm singing to every song on the radio...

Greetings! So, my summer has been good. I went to the beach yesterday, went shopping a few times, and, oh yeah, went to the top of the Eiffel Tower!!

We left for Europe last Sunday (the 6th), and landed in Paris Monday afternoon. We went to Versailles, the Louvre, the Arc de Triumphe, and, of course, the Eiffel Tower. We also went to this amazing restaurant on our last night there that had the BEST pot-roast ever!!
We left Paris on Friday and went to Zagreb, the capital of Croatia. We met up with some of my mom's family there and went over to their house for dinner. The next day, we walked around the city for a little bit and got lunch at a local outdoor restaurant. Afterwards, we saw my cousins dance in a folk festival with traditional costumes and dances.
The next day, my mom went with her cousin and my dad to go visit the town where she was born. My sister and I stayed with my cousin and her mom in Karlovac, and went swimming in the river near their house. On Monday we went to Plitvice, one of Croatia's nine national parks. It was beautiful. There were waterfalls around every corner, tiny fish swimming in the crystal-clear lakes (the water was drinkable!), and huge mountains. It was so cool.

We left Zagreb on Tuesday and moved to Dubrovnik, a city along the Adriatic coast. We rented an amazing Croatian villa (which I'm in now :] ), and then walked around the Old Town, an ancient fortress that was renovated with new shops and restaurants. Croatia has some of the most amazing food. All of the ingredients are fresh (at my cousin's house, for dinner, we ate the last of their chickens!), and everything is very simple. Yesterday, we went to the beach right outside of the Old Town, and then met my cousin and her parents for drinks and ice cream. Today, we're going shopping and to the beach again. It's so cool here! Next we're going to Dublin, Ireland tomorrow!

The language barrier really sucks. My cousins know a little bit from school, but they prefer to speak Croatian. My uncle, Vinko, speaks only in Croatian when my mom's around, and they talk for hours! My dad, sister, and I just sit there cluelessly while they jabber on about who-knows-what. *sigh* I'm glad everyone in Ireland speaks English...

Tags :)

Just doing some tags from Adria:

Makeup Tag

What is your fave color lipstick- purple, red, pink, none, lipgloss?

pink or lipgloss

What color eyeshadow would you wear?

I wear blue, pink, tan, or grey

Would you wear mascara or eyeliner?

I wear both, but mascara if i had to choose

What color blush?

pink, i suppose

Nail polish- purple, black, green, blue, red, or pink?

any of them! black the most, though

Cookie Tag

What is your favorite cookie?

chocolate chip!

What is your least favorite?

M&M or peanut butter

How many cookies can you eat in one sitting?

usually 3 or 4, but i could have 5-10 Oreos ;)

Make up a cookie!

chocolate bombs!

Have you ever made that before?

Yes.... :)

You see an army of angry cookies coming at you. What do you do?

give them all big hugs! gain their trust, then eat them in the night!

I tag whoever wants to do one!

Dropping In...

I hope you didn't miss me too much ;)

i feel suckish for neglecting the WNMP lately, and I'm sorry. I've just been utterly consumed with, I admit it, Polyvore. I'm obsessed. It's unhealthy, really; I need treatment or something. And I have news to share. But first, we dance.
[seriously, I need you to get up and get down right this second. Do it. {I did ;)}]

Oiw, I think I got wiplash. Ouch.

Firstly, today was Field Day, and we won every tug of war I competed in. The seventh graders beat the sixth graders, the girls beat the guys, my homeroom beat the other homeroom, and the seventh grade girls beat the ENTIRE SIXTH GRADE. It was kind of sad on their part.
Secondly, the last day of school is tomorrow. Which means, the best year of my grade-school life is over. Next year, I'll be on top of the school, and I'll have responsibilities. Yeuch. The award ceromony is tomorrow, and I feel really good about it :)
Thirdly, I'll have to take another big break, because I'm leaving for my European vacation on Sunday. We're hitting up Paris, Croatia, and Ireland! I've been brushing up on my foreign insults lately, and I'm up to 5 languages... what trouble can I get into? ;) I'm so excited, but we'll be more or less cut off from America. I plan on buying tons of postcards.
Last, but not least, the Power of the Pen State Finals were two weeks ago. The prompts were fantastic, I wrote amazingly, and I even made it to the prestigious fourth "Power Round." Unfortunately, my only teammate who made it to state didn't ): I poured my soul into my stories, and came out with... 10th place! At state. Out of 3,500 original competitors, and 355 students at state level. I'm still in shock.

I really hope I am back.

Book Tag! XD

So... Kendra at Carpe Diem (stupid link won't work ): ) tagged me.

Rules: Choose 8 books you'd like to live in and why, then tag 8 people.
Mine aren't in order:

1. Alex Rider Series- It would be wicked cool to be a teen spy, or a hot teen spy's girlfriend... ;) Some of his gadgets are sweet, and they're hidden in the most common objects! But I have to admit, it would be kind of scary with all of those insane evil-doers trying to kill you...

2. Harry Potter Series- I just want to go to Hogwarts and be able to use simple spells like Accio and Silencio, and to ride brooms and play Quidditch.

3. Unfinished Angel- The little Swish town setting is so beautiful, and Senora Divino's ravioli sounds good :) The angel is really funny, too, and Zola and the orphans are glorious chaos.

4. The Lord of the Rings series- Middle Earth is beautiful, especially the Shire. I would live in a house under a hill, but I might be too tall :). Gondor would be cool, the whole city is really cool and I feel like I could explore forever.

5. Any Cathy Cassidy book- Her books are always so detailed, the settings so vivid and gorgeous, the problems so real, and the guys so dreamy... Every character is relatable and real, and her books are are some of my favorites.

6. Oh, The Places You'll Go- The worlds and landscapes are so ridiculous that I can't help wanting to be there in person. I could invent my own words, tackle obstacles as big as my imagination, and take in every detail with wides eyes, mouth agape.

7. The Bible- Some of the stories told are truly amazing, and I would want to experience them firsthand. Jesus's miracles were so cool, and some of the Old Testament feats were awesome.

8. The Chronicles of Ancient Darkness series- Wolf, Torak, and Renn are, like, the awesomest people ever, and Wolf isn't even a person. It would be cool seeing what Clan I would be in, and how the way of life would be. I love the outdoors, fishing, and animals, so that setting would be perfect for me!

Thanks for the fun tag, Kendra! I tag:

. Adria

. Kiki

. Twinkle Toes

. The Cornet Crazie

. Golden Eagle

. Elrania

. Emma

. Nahla of the Eastern Winds

Sorry if you've already been tagged, and enjoy!

Teen Girl's Daybook Week 18

Date... Friday, April 9, 2010

Starting time... 12:37 pm

Mood... excited

Outside my window... the sun is shining!! finally!

I'm reading... nothing ):

I'm listening to... Fresh Meat 2

I'm wearing... frog shorts, field day tee, and black zip hoodie

Yesterday, I... got my braces adjusted

I'm excited for... seeing Remember Me with my friend today!

I'm sad because... i might not go shopping tomorrow with my friends ):

I'm hungry for... tater tots!

The song stuck inside my head is... You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift

I want... easier plans

I love... movies

I loathe... feeling gross

This week, my goal is... to find cheap shorts for spring!

Did I meet last week's goal?... no >:(

Ending time... 12:48 pm (i took a tot break in the middle ;) )

Spring is Here!

The ladybugs are crawling everywhere as the warm breeze swishes across my Cheeto-stained fingers typing away. This can only mean one thing- spring has sprung. I pray that I haven't spoken too soon.

Yesterday, I laughed-out-loud when I had to break out my flowy tanks and cuffed shorts to go see The Last Song with my cousins. The only difference between that and summer was that I had to grab a light jacket and my Chuck Taylors, a difference that I am perfectly content with. Today is strikingly hotter, and it was jeans day at school, making my spring-fevered legs overheat. Otherwise, today was the picture of near-perfection.
In the morning, once I got to school, we had a meeting of the Olweuss Bullying Program that my school just started. Then, we went on a super-fun Easter egg hunt with our kindergarten buddies on the playground. Afterwards there was an assembly in the gym with a magician/juggler/ventriloquist. It was alright. We had a read-a-thon until lunch, then music class, and lastly we read picture books to our buddies. My buddy finally likes me, lol.
Did I forget to mention yesterday that on Tuesday 2 boys in my grade got into a fistfight in the hallway? In front of 3rd graders, too. One of the math teachers tried to break it up, but she's small and thin, and almost got pulled into it! It was crazy. My fabulous crush (*blushes*) pulled one boy off of the other and held him against a wall. I didn't see the fight, though, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Ps. I think it's time to get rid of the blog's snowfall... ;)