I just needed to vent.

My silent tears sting the back of my throat. They cloud my vision, blurring reality, but not one makes the quiet journey to my cheek. Red-eyed, I stare at the mirror, not seeing it, contemplating what I've done, said, who I've hurt. In four hours, I have screwed up in so many ways, but I've learned so much. I have felt, really felt, close to someone; I have said things that I've been wanting to say for a long time. I have laughed through the pain, sorrow, and disappointing teen antics, and I have come out mostly in tact. And now the one person that I've hurt the most tonight is downstairs, making me a pizza that I don't deserve.

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I'm thirteen years old and I don't understand anything. I don't know how to love, how to deal with things, or how to explain something without making someone feel stupid, or angry, or hurt, even if that person is me. People underestimate a young person's emotions so much and so often. Today, I said I was a child, jokingly, to get into a movie. I didn't realize how true it was, until now. And I know that things could be worse, that I could have gotten in a lot more trouble, but right now, in this moment, there is nothing worse than knowing that your father is so disappointed, or hurt, that he can't even punish me. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he isn't disappointed, or hurt. But I am. With myself.

I knew I should have told him so much more, every detail, asking his permission, telling him where I was going, what was happening. It's not like I did anything bad, or wrong, or illegal- but I might as well have. I lost my parent's trust, and he just said, this is how we learn. He didn't lecture me, or punish me, or explain to me what I did. He didn't take away any privileges, or possessions, or plans. Maybe he saw the grief in my eyes, or heard the tears in my throat, or knew that I had learned my lesson. And right now I love him more than anyone in the world. And my sister is mad at him, when it should be vice versa.

And the second person I love the most right now- is Mark. He understood when I told him about my vacation woes, he took responsibility for this whole fiasco, he listened when I explained my sister's comlpexity, and agreed with everything I said, and actually made me feel, if possible, better. I felt like I had someone I could rely on, someone I could tell anything to, someone I could laugh with, or cry with, or scream with, and would take it all in and still love me for who I am. Sure, he has a million faults, but he has a million and one ways to make me smile. And guess how many of those are faults?


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Did any of that make sense?

Dropping In...

I hope you didn't miss me too much ;)

i feel suckish for neglecting the WNMP lately, and I'm sorry. I've just been utterly consumed with, I admit it, Polyvore. I'm obsessed. It's unhealthy, really; I need treatment or something. And I have news to share. But first, we dance.
[seriously, I need you to get up and get down right this second. Do it. {I did ;)}]

Oiw, I think I got wiplash. Ouch.

Firstly, today was Field Day, and we won every tug of war I competed in. The seventh graders beat the sixth graders, the girls beat the guys, my homeroom beat the other homeroom, and the seventh grade girls beat the ENTIRE SIXTH GRADE. It was kind of sad on their part.
Secondly, the last day of school is tomorrow. Which means, the best year of my grade-school life is over. Next year, I'll be on top of the school, and I'll have responsibilities. Yeuch. The award ceromony is tomorrow, and I feel really good about it :)
Thirdly, I'll have to take another big break, because I'm leaving for my European vacation on Sunday. We're hitting up Paris, Croatia, and Ireland! I've been brushing up on my foreign insults lately, and I'm up to 5 languages... what trouble can I get into? ;) I'm so excited, but we'll be more or less cut off from America. I plan on buying tons of postcards.
Last, but not least, the Power of the Pen State Finals were two weeks ago. The prompts were fantastic, I wrote amazingly, and I even made it to the prestigious fourth "Power Round." Unfortunately, my only teammate who made it to state didn't ): I poured my soul into my stories, and came out with... 10th place! At state. Out of 3,500 original competitors, and 355 students at state level. I'm still in shock.

I really hope I am back.

I Feel Sorry for Mailboxes.

They just sit outside all alone in the dark watching the cars of people who have somewhere to be go by.
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Does anyone else find it odd that my best thinking happens whilst I'm trying to fall asleep?

Science class today was surprisingly über fun. While we were taking notes on types of minerals, me and mah random buddy Will (Alejandro) were giving names to the minerals without labels- Seethroughite, Willium, Breanite, SoshinyIwanttostealitum. Then Hales made me inhale the chinchilla. Why, i ask?
We had a fiesta in Spanish for Navidad and my cupcakes were a hit! Their deranged, mildly Spanish-themed decorations were too. Ay, Ca rumba. But the only main food substance someone signed up to bring was taco soup and THEY DIDN'T. So we didn't get lunch today, except for chips 'n' salsa and cupcakes. The sopapillas didn't count because they were, well, mediocre, due to the fact that I don't like cinnamon. Yea, that's why.
Recess was muy fantastico! (Mrs. B is getting to me. *shudders*)

I don't have much else to say. I wish words came more easily, then my novel might be done.

Freedom

Eep! I'm free!

OMfrappingG. if i explained it to you, it wouldn't sound to bad. but trust me, if you were stuck in a science lab with an insanely monotone woman who pronounces color as "collar" for 45 minutes, you would draw cartoon radishes too. me and meg maintained our sanity by playing with blocks and making faces every time the teacher called me Bre. is Breanne so long you have to shorten it to Bre? and her monotonous little voice lingers on the E and gives it a sound of finality that makes you think her sentence is over when it isn't. i enjoyed the poster exclaming "The Magic of Ice" though. ((sigh)) do i really care about phosphates and turbidity?

but I'm free, free, free. and its snowing. with 50 mph winds. cross your appendages and hope it sticks.

My Tuesday Night

I am sitting on the floor of my room with a shower cap on and a concoction of prescription shampoos fermenting on my head. Don't worry, it's just a scalp infection. Scalp infection?! Apparently i'm alergic to comercially sold hairspray-paint. Figures. WHY AM I CURSED?! I finally got up the courage to come blog; before i wasnt showing my face out of my room, but my laptop was downstairs. So, I darted. Only Cailin saw me, and I supose when someone's seen you at your worst, you don't have to put up such a mask with them. AHH the shampoo dripped on my shoulder! ColdColdCold.
I wonder if my scalp's done marinating. Where's my mom? It's been half an hour since i put on this five-ten minute hair doom. Goodbye, blog. I'm taking a shower.

Power of the Pen

I'm in this after school writing class called power of the pen. what is a hobby that is underappreciated (ie. puppetry) that people dont usually write about? ps. NOT puppetry! (maggie!).
not: art, writing, dancing, singing... not common things