I am winter.

I just found a story thing I wrote in February about winter that I totally forgot about.
Seeing as it SNOWED last night for the first time this year, I thought it was appropriate (:

I step out into the glittering unknown. I pull my trapped hat down over my ears and rub my pink cheeks. I am in awe. Even in the treachery and danger that an ice storm, beauty is everywhere. The trees glisten and sway, the sound of their crackling branches resonating for eternities. The ground is sparkling, and each blade of grass is individually coated in a thick ice-shell, encased in the safety of its glass covering, cut off from the outside world. I run my freezing fingers over the smooth, cold wall lining the path. As I tip-toe through this forest, the eerie coolness and prickling air fill me. I become winter. I carry snow with me, and every step, new, fresh ice forms where my boot once treaded.
Though I leave trails of beauty, the frozen death I bring is noticed. Leaves no longer dance from the tall tree limbs; birds no longer sing songs of joy. The leaves now crunch under my feet, the birds only singing of sorrow. Their somber calls rarely pierce the silence, however. Only the echoes of love lost punctuate the fierce, chilling winds. I am winter. And I am not welcome.

That last part is only partly true, because I kind of love winter. Not the cold, but the pretty snow, hot chocolate, cookies, fires, not to mention Christmas!
Alas, I now need to study for exams. I think I might be dead by the time winter break rolls around. Stay cool, kiddos. That shouldn't be a problem (;

I just needed to vent.

My silent tears sting the back of my throat. They cloud my vision, blurring reality, but not one makes the quiet journey to my cheek. Red-eyed, I stare at the mirror, not seeing it, contemplating what I've done, said, who I've hurt. In four hours, I have screwed up in so many ways, but I've learned so much. I have felt, really felt, close to someone; I have said things that I've been wanting to say for a long time. I have laughed through the pain, sorrow, and disappointing teen antics, and I have come out mostly in tact. And now the one person that I've hurt the most tonight is downstairs, making me a pizza that I don't deserve.

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I'm thirteen years old and I don't understand anything. I don't know how to love, how to deal with things, or how to explain something without making someone feel stupid, or angry, or hurt, even if that person is me. People underestimate a young person's emotions so much and so often. Today, I said I was a child, jokingly, to get into a movie. I didn't realize how true it was, until now. And I know that things could be worse, that I could have gotten in a lot more trouble, but right now, in this moment, there is nothing worse than knowing that your father is so disappointed, or hurt, that he can't even punish me. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he isn't disappointed, or hurt. But I am. With myself.

I knew I should have told him so much more, every detail, asking his permission, telling him where I was going, what was happening. It's not like I did anything bad, or wrong, or illegal- but I might as well have. I lost my parent's trust, and he just said, this is how we learn. He didn't lecture me, or punish me, or explain to me what I did. He didn't take away any privileges, or possessions, or plans. Maybe he saw the grief in my eyes, or heard the tears in my throat, or knew that I had learned my lesson. And right now I love him more than anyone in the world. And my sister is mad at him, when it should be vice versa.

And the second person I love the most right now- is Mark. He understood when I told him about my vacation woes, he took responsibility for this whole fiasco, he listened when I explained my sister's comlpexity, and agreed with everything I said, and actually made me feel, if possible, better. I felt like I had someone I could rely on, someone I could tell anything to, someone I could laugh with, or cry with, or scream with, and would take it all in and still love me for who I am. Sure, he has a million faults, but he has a million and one ways to make me smile. And guess how many of those are faults?


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Did any of that make sense?

Dropping In...

I hope you didn't miss me too much ;)

i feel suckish for neglecting the WNMP lately, and I'm sorry. I've just been utterly consumed with, I admit it, Polyvore. I'm obsessed. It's unhealthy, really; I need treatment or something. And I have news to share. But first, we dance.
[seriously, I need you to get up and get down right this second. Do it. {I did ;)}]

Oiw, I think I got wiplash. Ouch.

Firstly, today was Field Day, and we won every tug of war I competed in. The seventh graders beat the sixth graders, the girls beat the guys, my homeroom beat the other homeroom, and the seventh grade girls beat the ENTIRE SIXTH GRADE. It was kind of sad on their part.
Secondly, the last day of school is tomorrow. Which means, the best year of my grade-school life is over. Next year, I'll be on top of the school, and I'll have responsibilities. Yeuch. The award ceromony is tomorrow, and I feel really good about it :)
Thirdly, I'll have to take another big break, because I'm leaving for my European vacation on Sunday. We're hitting up Paris, Croatia, and Ireland! I've been brushing up on my foreign insults lately, and I'm up to 5 languages... what trouble can I get into? ;) I'm so excited, but we'll be more or less cut off from America. I plan on buying tons of postcards.
Last, but not least, the Power of the Pen State Finals were two weeks ago. The prompts were fantastic, I wrote amazingly, and I even made it to the prestigious fourth "Power Round." Unfortunately, my only teammate who made it to state didn't ): I poured my soul into my stories, and came out with... 10th place! At state. Out of 3,500 original competitors, and 355 students at state level. I'm still in shock.

I really hope I am back.

Nighttime Musings <(")

Here are some random things I wrote down in my notebook on Friday night. They don't make a lot of sense, but I loved them so, here they are!

Crying. The dark can do that to a person. If I just curl up, and close my eyes, and tell myself I'm sad for just a moment, I'll feel as if life isn't worth living anymore.
Then I think of love, and color, of lives, the world and the sky, music, and, dare I say it, myself. Then, in a swirl of brightness and beautiful, glorious sound, I am once again a child, being born again out of possibilities and hope, a new dawn and a new person. And then I fall asleep, only to wake up just another 12 year old.

It is better to cry with someone than to cry alone.
It is good to hug someone, even if no one hugs back.
Let it OUT.

Some things don't deserve a title. This apparently isn't one of them.

Tomorrow will be the best day of my life. I promise.

I have so much to say, and I'll explode if I don't say it all. But that just isn't possible; there is too much. And I can't put it into words. Not even the greatest writer could make it feasible. Not even the fastest typer could get it all down in less than a lifetime. If I laugh, I'll cry. If I cry, I'll never stop.

Small things.
I'm in my school's geography bee. Yaaayyy, I guess. I don't like crowds, speaking in front of crowds, or having people stare at me. But I need to do this.
Next, I'm going to the Power of the Pen writing competition on February 5th representing my school with some of my friends. It was originally scheduled for yesterday, January 7, but due to snow and stuff it got rescheduled for today. Guess what? Even more snow. It snowed for 24 hours, as I recall. Anyway, now it's in February.
Yesterday was a snow day, and I went sledding with my two best friends. AT NIGHT. It was amazing and so much fun. Then we went to Skyline, which was cool because one of my bff's step dad is the manager/owner or something. And it was empty. The whole night was great, except I hurt my butt hitting a piece (chunk!) of ice. Ouch.

Also, some bigger news, my father's aunt, whom I call Aunt Sadie, passed away today around 5 o'clock. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago, and has been having ups and downs. She was having one of her worse days, and me and my sister got a call shortly after getting home from school. I tried to go on with what I was doing, and I know that was awful of me, but I couldn't cope if I let myself succumb to the grief. It doesn't seem real that there is now one less life in my world, one less person for me to love.

I'm having a romance movie marathon. It's making me feel warm, fuzzy, and depressed. But... good? I can't express how much I love movies.

P.S. I love you.

hola frijoles pequenas.

Hello little beans.
Oprah's ending her talk show?!

*ehem...* im getting a really good start to my novel. i recently found these really great methods to developing novel plots. it has really helped me to understand my novel better and start my first bits.
it is basically a 3-step process:
1. Write a one sentence summary of your novel.
2. Expand the sentence into a paragraph.
3. Expand the paragraphy into an essay-type deal. Roughly five paragraphs works.

MY steps (discluding step 3 for obvious reasons [it would be too long;])
1. An abandoned elf is lost in the world of the Fey after living with humans all her life.
2. Plum Dalton lived with humans all her life. Suddenly, when she is fifteen years old, she is transported to the world of the Fey, discovering that she is truly an elf. After meeting her real family and learning about her past, she realizes that she is not ready for life with fairies, centaurs, and nymphs, and must get "home." With the help of her best friend, she finds the wanderer owning the powder needed to change realms. In the end, she lives in both worlds equally and gains a sense of true belonging.

it is a work-in-progress but its getting there.
novel help care of http://advancedfictionwriting.com/art/snowflake.php <-- check it out! in other news, today i witnessed a boy getting dragged BY THE HEAD into a dark hallway. it sounds horrible, but it was the funniest thing! neither kid was in pain; it was all fun. but all i saw was two hands holding this kid's head and dragging him on the floor, with his legs slowly sliding in and mild writhing with shouts of horror. Ha-ha. i know, im terrible. wow this post is long...

Nameless Book

soo... now i'm writing a book about a murder, and this detective has 5 woman suspects, and they are all very different but all have ties to the victim, and a motive. the suspects are a red-haired fotune-teller named Rae Inglewood, a rich blonde shopaholic named Kat Monroe, a black-haired african-american performer named Sugar Dennings, a dark-brunette waitress named Jenna Adele, and an african-american psychologist named Dr. Rachel Fieldings. thats as far as i've gotten...

Poem for Treble Clef's contest

i wrote this poem when i was 11 and entered it in the Cornet Crazie's Treble Clef poem contest. hope you like it!


I’LL FIND A NEW LOVE
As I gaze
Upon the fish,
I remember
My only wish.
As they swim
To and fro,
I think about
Your radiant glow.
The way you laughed
At all my jokes;
Fighting back tears,
I try not to choke.

This aquarium
Holds so many memories;
From the sharks
To the sea anemones.
My open hand
Against the cool glass case,
Longing for
your warm embrace.
And as I sit here,
All alone,
I think about how
You didn’t answer your phone.

Now I realize
I should make a choice:
To wait so long
To hear your voice,
Or to go and find
A different path;
Find a new love.
You do the math.

Power of the Pen

I'm in this after school writing class called power of the pen. what is a hobby that is underappreciated (ie. puppetry) that people dont usually write about? ps. NOT puppetry! (maggie!).
not: art, writing, dancing, singing... not common things